Lily

As we drove home from her doctors appointment this afternoon and the endless questions about Christmas and her upcoming birthday turned into silence, I glanced into the backseat to see why she had gone so quiet.  I found her fast asleep.  As every mother in the world can relate, I found myself feeling weepy and grateful for this little girl I am so lucky to call my own .  I admire the little angelic face as any worry she may feel, is at rest and she is peaceful.  Today, more than most days, I felt the edge of my forever broken heart, jab at my soul. This little girl that I created over 8 years ago, who has endured some of the most heart breaking and traumatic moments than any child ever should. I never dreamed that she would go through so much in her childhood.  As I type this out, she has her head on my shoulder and just said "you are the best person in the whole world".  How do I put into words how I feel about this beautiful little girl?  I remember when Carter was a baby and I begged God to heal him.  I was begging God to allow my child to be naughty and get into things.  I begged for him to be able to make choices for himself and be able to do big things.  When God gave me Lily, he answered my pleas ten fold.  He gave me a little girl who has challenged me on a daily basis.  She has the tenacity and spunk beyond anything I have ever seen!  She has the biggest heart in the world. She has been through all of the ups and downs right along with me...so much loss and so much growth.  There have been countless moments when I have felt like a failure as a mother, but then she smiles...just like her brother.  Without even realizing it, she fixes everything.  She reminds me that it is okay.  She tells me that I am the best mom in the world.  When I wonder why life has turned out the way it has, I am reminded by my beautiful Lily, that life is good.  SO good.  We may be missing a huge part of our life and always will, but he lives on through his sisters.  He is constantly here, in their hearts, in their smiles, in their milestones, in their time-outs, in their achievements.  These girls remind me every single day that everything is going to be okay.  My only hope is that they will always know how much I love them and how much I owe them for everything they give me.  How grateful I am for them and how proud I will always be!